Lessons in not giving a fu*k and feeling fabulous from our in-house agony aunt, Auntie Kiki. Served up every month @ VAUGHAN.
“Dear Auntie Kiki, I’m the type of woman who’s proud to shake what her momma gave her, unfortunately, my office dress code dictates I shroud my larger than average lady lumps from view during work hours – I’m wondering how to flaunt my assets without giving everyone a ‘peep show’? Yours truly, Busty in Boston.”
First of all, fuck the patriarchy. There I’ve said it.
If the lord decided to bless you with two bosoms that are more than a handful – they certainly shouldn’t go to waste. I spent an entire semester at prep school wondering why my lab partner kept dropping innocuous things on the floor – turns out, I invented the bend and snap – I’m still trying to patent it after those bastards at MGM stole my secret move.
Anyway, suffice to say, celebrating your figure should not be reprimanded with a polite ‘reminder’ email from Jim in HR, who you know secretly stares at you every time you have to reposition your pantyhose in the break room – who wants to aspire to the silhouette of a pre-pubescent boy anyway?
It seems the male of the species has enforced an all out ban on bosoms until they can get their act together and realise that:
- Showing a discreet décolleté is not a sign that we want to sit on your lap.
- Embracing one's figure isn’t an invite to stare directly at our chest.
- Having boobs doesn’t make us brainless sex bots.
Suffice to say, I don’t think they’ll be getting the message anytime soon.
This leaves the style savvy and fashion focused work warrior with a conundrum that teeters on a fine line between trendy and tarty. Working in fashion does give you some leeway, but that’s probably because you’re surrounded by an office full of level-headed, goal orientated and unbiased handbag hoarders – oh wait, that’s just women.
Yes, women don’t tell other women how to dress. Maybe that has something to do with our complete lack of interest in mammaries.
However, conventional offices are rumoured to be far more draconian.
Funny isn’t it? That a man who has worn the same brown polyester two-piece since he left the womb has the balls to tell you to put your assets away!
My advice? Start playing mind games.
I don’t mean sending him anonymous hate mail or flaming bags of dog poop on the porch – I mean the soft art of subtlety and hints of sexuality that keep your wardrobe fly and your confidence high!
Start by hauling your ass down to Rigby & Peller and getting yourself the most seductive and supportive underwear your budget can afford – feeling sexy on the inside is half the battle. Then, get your hands on an array of boudoir alluring fabrics, our lace decorated silk shirt with a contrasting cami should do the trick. Style with high-waisted suit trousers and a busy city tote that screams babe of the boardroom, and finish up with a lick of red lippy and suitable work week heels.
Pictured: VAUGHAN Hepburn shirt in Coming to Dinner, Maison Margiela high waisted paper bag trousers, Anine Bing deep V neck camisole, Nine West ankle strap pumps, Mark Cross box bag, MAC Russian Red lipstick
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